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Once upon a long, long time ago, when tyranny, corruption, and crime ruled the earth, about 1970, there existed a band of Tunisian Princess Warriors. Their story is an important one. These particular Tunisian Princess Warriors were the most fierce Tunisian Princess Warriors ever*. The leader of the Tunisian Princess Warriors, whose name translated into English meant "Tunisian Princess Warrior Leader", was as brutal and viscous as they come. She was part human, part beast ( actually for the first years of her life people thought she was a centaur. ) She was a total warrior, a Tunisian Princess Warrior to be exact . . . and repetitive. She was a ferocious and incredibly wise leader, but her Achilles’ heel was her eyes. She was blind. Not " metaphorically " blind, like that we might say, " she was blind to the violence in the world ", but blind like years ago she got married and on her honeymoon consummated with a bottle of Windex. She made Mr. Magoo seem like William Tell, but nevertheless was still the ruthless leader of the Tunisian Princess Warriors.
One day Tunisian Princess Warrior Leader ( we'll call her " Headmaster in Charge of the Warrior Crew " for short ) had called a meeting of the troops to convene in Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-tingham forest ( the forest famous for inspiring Paul McCartney to write " Hey Jude. " ) It was at this meeting that the Headmaster in Charge of the Warrior Crew began: My Tunisian Princess Warriors the time has come. The times has come to slit some throats and break some bones. It is time for us to rise up together and the destroy the government, our oppressors. We Tunisian Princess Warriors have suffered long and hard, long and hard, long and hard, and at first we liked it, but now it is time to come and fight the evil powers that be. We must fight, fight the power! We must realize that Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me, you see, straight up racist that sucker was, simple and plain, motherfuck him and John Wayne. We must bring our strength and forces together today and change tomorrow. With everybody's courage and cunning we can do just this. We have let them have their time, now it is ours. We will fight with fury to the death to achieve our dominance.
There was no response, only silence. The headmaster was puzzled, so in an even louder voice she repeated herself, " We will FIGHT with fury to the death to achieve our DOMINANCE! " Silence. The Tunisian Princess Warrior Leader was getting angry, " FIGHT TO DOMINANTE! " Still no response. She continued yelling only getting louder. Nothing was said, and she became angrier and angrier. She had given this moving speech and her disciples said nothing. What was even more upsetting to her, was that she was in a very vulnerable state right then ( her boyfriend had left her that morning for a vision-intact Algerian Princess Warrior ) and now she found her " trusted " friends showing no encouragement. She yelled and yelled, became red in the face, yelled and yelled, and then she got an embolism and died. Silence. Her body lay motionless across pine needles and in the midst of Douglas firs.
*The Tunisian Princess Warriors had previously not existed, so this statement is really arbitrary, and was just added in for dramatic effect . . . OH MY GOD!! I'm bleeding!
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